


Until You Find Me Again

by MarmeLady_Orange



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coma, Confessions, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Mild Language, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Arc: Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Sick Castiel, Worried Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:57:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: After Lucifer’s been cast out of Castiel, Dean hopes he can guide his friend out of his own broken mind.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little thing I had started writing before the end of Season 11… used it as a gift for my Tumblr followers when I reached 200. Which happened twice because I lost some followers, so 200 wasn’t right anymore, then it went back to 200 and well… I think it’s still around that number today! lol
> 
> Anyway, I thought I’d add this little thing here rather than just having it on Tumblr. Just some kind of drabble… drabble? How long should a drabble be? Anyway, I hope you’ll like… it’s quite fluffy, I think.
> 
> And, well… I never write in the first person (I don’t really like it actually, not in writing nor in reading…). But I thought it’d be a nice exercise.
> 
>  
> 
> .

_ "First time I saw you… it’s hard to explain, you know? The wind was blowing so hard I thought the barn would collapse… but it didn’t. Instead, the doors opened and you walked in. You know, just some dude in a trench coat, still somehow larger than life. You walked in as if you owned the place. Which you could have, for all we knew then. _

_ So you walked in with mother nature going all wonky and sparks flying. My damn scalp tingled as you approached, your eyes never leaving me. Bobby and me, we shot salt rounds and bullets at you, but you never even flinched. _

_ So yeah, I can honestly say that you and your wannabe-Colombo get up scared the shit outta me. _

_ The little triumph I felt when I buried Ruby’s knife in your heart barely lasted a second. And as you pulled it out without so much of a wince, I thought I was gonna die again. Bless Bobby for trying to knock you out, but all he got for it was a taste of your Vulcan-like sleep mojo. _

_ There were no more tingles, not at that moment. Instead, it felt like the blood in my veins had turned to ice. And you just stood there, looking through our books and stuff as if browsing in a goddamn library or some shit. You wanted to speak, you said. Alone! _

_ God was I pissed… but I was also scared out of my mind. _

_ Your voice was so rough, sounded like it came from the depths of hell itself. You told me who you were, what you were, and I couldn’t believe it. Until you showed me your wings… your stupid, gorgeous wings. Or their shadows, but it’s all the same to me. Whatever it was, it made my body tingle all over again. _

_ I hate to admit it, but yeah… there was this tiny part of me that just wanted to bend over and submit. The survival instinct squashed it real quick though, reminding me that you weren’t a real person. Even crammed in Jimmy’s meat suit, you couldn’t help but look gigantic. _

_ And, christ… you were such a dick, you know? You and your stupid so-called family. My life would be so much simpler if you had just kept on being an asshole. But you had to imprint on me, you dumb sonofabitch. Do I look like a fucking mother goose to you? You may be older than the Earth, you’re still goddamn stupid sometimes. _

_ I guess that’s why you’ve been hanging around in us rather than Heaven. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been super stoked to have you on our side – most of the time anyway – but I still wish you hadn’t taken on so many pages from the Winchesters book. _

_ You saw us, Cas. You saw how me and Sam just keep sacrificing everything for each other. And how pretty much everything would turn to shit because of it. All we do is fucking die, make demon deals, curse ourselves… then we die some more only to do it all over again. _

_ It’s because of me that you gotta lie there like fucking Snow White, with your brain in a scramble. Fuck! I wish I could kill Lucifer, I really do. Chuck is being shifty as hell about that though. He pretty much said that if we killed Luci, He’d just bring him back again. _

_ And when I asked Chuck to make you better, He just poofed away. Can you believe this shit? After all you’ve done for the Bastard? You don’t deserve to be going crazy like that, not again. _

_ And, man… we tried it all; African dream root, sending Crowley in your melon again, spells… nothing works, it’s like you’re stuck or something. Sam thinks that you gotta find your way back on your own terms. But what if you’re lost? What if you wanna come back to me… to us… and you just don’t know how? _

_ Sam is convinced that me talkin’ to you will help. ‘Cause I’m a great talker, aren’t I? A real chatty kathy. I don’t know what he thought I’d be babbling to you about. It doesn’t seem to be helping a whole lot anyway. _

_ I guess it kinda helps me though, gives me something to do. I tried to go on a hunt last week and I almost died. I shouldn’t have gone on my own, I’ll give you that. I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you here alone so I begged Sam to stay with you. You know, in case you woke up and didn’t remember who you were and left? It’s happened before. _

_ I couldn’t go through that again. I’ve lost you too many times already, I just can’t do it anymore. Man, if Sam were here right now he’d be laughing his ass off, I’m sure, but… I miss you, okay? I really do. You gotta come back, buddy. Just follow my voice or something. _

_ And don’t you worry, all right? I’ll keep on talking until you find us. Well, maybe sometimes I’ll try singing some because I don’t have that much to say, and I’m sorry about that. Sam would no doubt beg me not to sing though. But I don’t fucking care, I’ll sing the shit at you if it means it’ll draw you back from wherever you are. _

_ I just hope you’re not just sitting in there thinking you shouldn’t come back, ‘cause that’s crap. You know that, right? Crowley told me how you just watched TV in there when Lucifer was at the wheel, that you didn’t wanna fight him off. _

_ I get it, all right? I do, but you gotta move past it, Lucifer’s gone now. I know how you feel, man. You think you don’t matter, that people don’t want you around, that if you went and died in a ditch the world would just be better off. And believe me, I’ve been there. Every single decision I make, that option’s right there in the back of my mind, telling me to just give up and die already. _

_ But I’ve always ignored it, for Sammy’s sake. And then you came along… you gotta know, Cas… both you and Sam are my anchors, my rocks. As long as I have you, and him, I’m never going anywhere. Never again, you hear me? You’re what keeps me standing. _

_ And now, it’s your turn to stand up. Please, Cas… I fucking need you." _

*****

It took another four days for Castiel to emerge from his comatose state. Four days which Dean spent at his side, tirelessly trying to guide his angel back home. Before long, he ran out of things to say, so he sang. He sang badly, going through every mushy songs he could think of. Some would have called them romantic, but Dean found that term too implicating. So they were just mushy.

Dean had fallen asleep in the armchair next to the bed, their hands laced together. Castiel’s coughing stirred him awake and he opened his eyes, only to get lost into that blue stare he had missed so much.

“Cas?”

Castiel’s hand bristled in Dean’s. He licked his lips, his owlish gaze never leaving the hunter. He blinked, once, twice, three times, then cleared his throat.

“Hello, Dean,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “I found you.”

Dean let out a wet chuckle, not even trying to keep the tears from staining his cheeks.

“Yeah, buddy, you did,” Dean responded as he brought the angel’s hand to his mouth. He brushed his lips over the dry knuckles. “I’ll always be here for you, angel.”

Castiel landed a warm hand over Dean’s stubbled jaw. “I know,” he said as Dean tilted his face to kiss his palm. “And I’m never leaving you again either.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ah! Here’s the usual "not beta’d all mistakes are my own" little note… because, it is… If you already read it when I posted it on Tumblr, you might notice some little changes. Or not… 
> 
> I hope you found it a bit entertaining at least. lol 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :-D


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